Basic PC laws

Basic PC Laws

Let's start with Nerve Central--the computer.

Law 1: For every fix that a Windows Update patches, the update will break two more things on your PC. --Darren Gladstone, PC World

Law 2: The likelihood that Windows will automatically install time-sucking critical updates is directly proportional to your need to get your PC started. --Steve Fox, PC World

Law 3: The hard drive always fails just before you were going to back it up. --Denise Paolucci, Dreamwidth Studios via Help A Reporter Out (HARO)

Law 4: Your data will get corrupted just before you plug in your new backup external drive. --Darren Gladstone, PC World

Law 5: Your backup plan is only as good as your last successful restore. --Michael Fisher, ElephantDrive.com via HARO

Law 6: The number of USB ports on your Mac will always be one less than you need at any given time. --Blair Hanley Frank, Macworld

Law 7: Feeling time pressure to make a computer fix quickly will cause you to take longer. --David Marshak, via PC World Facebook page

Law 8: If you close the PC case with screws before testing, it won't work; If you test before closing, it will. --Harry Liebman via HARO

Tech Support Rules

Now that you've mastered the basics, you're ready to move on to Tech Support.

Law 1: Fix a computer for a friend or family member, and you'll be tech support for life. --Danny Allen, PC World

Law 2: Build a computer for someone, and he/she owns you! --Louis Farbstein, via PC World's Facebook page

Law 3: Recommend a product that you've used with no problems, and the friend/family member who buys it will immediately descend into RMA [product return] hell. --Scott Keck, via PC World's Facebook page

Law 4: Show any handy IT skills at work, and your company's IT department will start referring difficult coworkers to you. --Lars Jacobsen, via PC World's Facebook page

Law 5: If it's broken and you call tech support, it will fix itself while you're on hold. --Brenda Christensen, Public Relations, Servoy.com via HARO

Internet Ordinances

You can find a world of trouble online. For instance...

Law 1: Within a month of agreeing to be "friends" with your boss on Facebook you will regret it, big time. --Tom Spring, PC World

Law 2: The crappier the Web site, the sleazier (and sketchier) the ads. --Tom Spring, PC World

Law 3: When entering "Captcha" verification codes on a Web site, you'll always type in the numeral 1 when the site wants a lowercase L, and a capital O when the site wants the number 0. --Steve Fox, PC World

Law 4: Just before taking out the boss in a WoW raid, your Internet connection will die. --Nick Mediati, PC World

Law 5: The difficulty involved in redeeming a rebate is directly proportional to the dollar value of the rebate. --Tom Spring, PC World

Law 6: A nasty draft e-mail will always find its way to the (unintended) recipient. --Brian X. Chen

Precepts of Mobile Tech

Desktop technology isn't the only source of inevitable woe in your life. All those shiny mobile devices can cause pain, too, since the freedom of untethered technology doesn't extend to immunity from rank on rank of frustrating unalterable laws. We report 10 master Mobile Laws here.

Law 1: The charger for your current cell phone will not work with the next cell phone you buy. --Kimberly Brinson, PC World

Law 2: Your laptop's charger weighs half of what your laptop weighs. --Darren Gladstone, PC World

Law 3: A laptop battery will drain at twice its normal rate whenever you leave home without your power cord. --Kimberly Brinson, PC World

Corollary: Your laptop's battery life is inversely proportional to the amount of work you need to get done on a single charge. --Blair Hanley Frank, Macworld

Law 4: Your iPod or iPhone will be on its last burst of power just as the plane door shuts. --Anne B. McDonald, PC World

Law 5: A replacement battery charger will cost 70 percent of the original purchase price of the device. For phones, the figure is 140 percent! --Robert Strohmeyer, PC World

Law 6: Your cell phone will inevitably break before your two-year contract is up, forcing you to overpay for a new, less-cool model. --Lauren Barnard, PC World

Law 7: The proprietary charging plug (cost to produce: 50 cents) for your device will disappear within two weeks and will cost you $40 to replace. --Darren Gladstone, PC World

Law 8: On any vacation, the memory card for your digital camera will be safely lodged in the card reader on your desk at home. (And the camera's proprietary battery will be dead, with the charger sitting next to the card reader.) --Anne B. McDonald, PC World

Soft drinks are also bad for PCs.

Law 9: A cup of coffee on your desk is guaranteed to render your laptop utterly useless. --Nick Mediati, PC World

Law 10: Your MagSafe adapter will always come unplugged precisely when you need to charge your Mac laptop's battery. --Nick Mediati, PC World

Software Statutes

Finally, if entanglements with hardware principles don't leave you bound and gagged, there are always software standards to render you helpless.

Law 1: Your software provider's online support pages contain explicit instructions for troubleshooting every conceivable problem--except yours. --Mark Sullivan, PC World

Law 2: Nine times out of ten, tinkering with your Registry to fix a system issue will create a new problem that's more severe than the original. --Travis Van, ITDatabase via HARO

Law 3: Ten times out of ten, downloading a spyware product will create hidden processes/services more insidious than the original malware/adware encroachment you set out to stop. --Travis Van, ITDatabase via HARO

Graphic: Diego Aguirre

Law 4: The performance increase you can expect from running a Registry cleaner can be calculated as z(n + y), where n is the number of Registry entries cleaned, y is your system CPU's clock speed in gigahertz, and z = 0. --Robert Strohmeyer, PC World

Law 5: The larger the number of people who want your iPhone app, the likelier Apple is to reject it. --Nick Mediati, PC World

Law 6: iTunes will crash. That's it. No, really. --Darren Gladstone, PC World

God and Marwadi...!!! and appraisal..

A Marwadi having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God.

God happy with his prays, grants him only ONE wish!

Marwadi: I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my

Child's hands in our new home!

God: Damn!!! I still have a lot to learn from these Marwadi's

Moral of the story:-

Compile all requirements and present in one line rather boring appraiser
For long time.

Women choice in Husband store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a

woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the

entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit

the store ONLY ONCE!



There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the

shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you

may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go

up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building !!


So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men

have jobs.



The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs

and love kids.



The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs,

love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks,

but feels compelled to keep going.



She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men

have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and

help with the housework "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly

stand it!"



Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These

men have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous,

help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.



She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the

sign reads:



Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men

on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are

impossible to please! Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Socrates - Test of Three

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"



"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."



"Test of Three?"



"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"



No," the man said, "actually I just heard about It."



"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"



"No, on the contrary..."



"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"



The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.



Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, b ecause there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"



"No, not really."



"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"



The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that his wife was in love with his student Plato.

You are a Masterpiece

A plum once said, just because a banana lover came by, I converted myself into a banana. Unfortunately, his taste changed after a few months and so I became an orange. When he said I was bitter I became an apple, but he went in search of grapes. Yielding to the opinions of so many people, I have changed so many times that I no more know who I am. How I wish I had remained a plum and waited for a plum lover.

Just because a group of people do not accept you as you are, there is no necessity for you to strip yourself of your originality. You need to think good of yourself, for the world takes you at your own estimate. Never stoop down in order to gain recognition. Never let go of your true self to win a relationship. In the long run, you will regret that you traded your greatest glory - your uniqueness, for momentary validation.

There is a world for each one of you, where you shall reign as king / queen by just being yourself. Find that world... in fact, that world will find you.

What water can do, gasoline cannot and what copper can, gold cannot. The fragility of the ant enables it to move and the rigidity of the tree enables it to stay rooted. Everything and everybody has been designed with a proportion of uniqueness to serve a purpose that we can fulfill only by being our unique self. You as you alone can serve your purpose and I as I alone can serve my purpose. You are here to be you... just you.

There was a time in this world when a Krishna was required and he was sent; a time when a Christ was required and he was sent; a time when a Mahatma was required and he was sent; a time when a J.R.D.Tata was required and he was sent. There came a time when you were required on this planet and hence you were sent. Let us be the best we can be. Don't miss yourself and let the world not miss you.

In the history of the universe, there has been nobody like you and to the infinite of time to come, there will be no one like you.Existence should have loved you so much that it broke the mould after making you, so that another of your kind will never get repeated. You are original. You are rare. You are unique. You are a wonder. You are a masterpiece... your Master's piece. Celebrate your Uniqueness

Murphy's laws on girls.....

Murphy's law


1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that

2. the nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!

3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...

4. "99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would always be in your company."............ .....100% true

5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.

6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..

7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.

8. Theory of relativity.. ....

The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...

9. Rule 1: Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)

Corollary to rule 1: The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

Axiom 1: The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the guys)

10. the day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-

1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3.Have a bad hair day

11. all the good girls are either nuns or married .the rest go around with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.

12. the more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad will hate u

13. the love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you

Best Student NSFW

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. what is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.



Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.


Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.


And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.


Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'


Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'



Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut


Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum


Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..

Boy.: Shake hands



Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring


Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose



Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow


Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck



Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork



Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.


Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to
IIM Bangalore,
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

Two Choices

What would you do….? You make the choice. Don't look for a punch line,
there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the
same choice?


At a fund raising dinner for a school that serves children with learning
disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that
would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school
and its
dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is
done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot
understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was
mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to
realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other
people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing
baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most
of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father
I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a
much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others
in spite of his handicaps..

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if
Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing
by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our
team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a
team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart.
The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was
still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right
field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to
be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to
him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on
base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win
the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but
impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much
less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the
plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning
aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball
in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards
Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball
right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the
ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head,
out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to
first! Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and
struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the
ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the
hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he
understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the
ball high and far over the third-baseman' s head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled
the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by
turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!
Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were
on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit
the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face,
'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity
into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never
forgotten being the hero and making me so happy and coming home and seeing
his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought,
but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but
public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and
workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're
probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the
'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message Well, the person who
sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.

We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the
'natural order of things.'

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a
choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those
opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said, every society is judged by how it treats it's least
fortunate amongst them.

You now have two choices:

1. Read and move on

2. Copy and Forward it to a friend.

May your day, be a Shay Day!

Whats this all about?

Hi guys,

This blog will contain posts based on the email forwardings I receive while I am working, yes its true I do work sometimes besides lazying around. I will be updating the mails I receive on that day onto this blog.

The idea here is to gather and share the latest things which are doing rounds on the internet via SMTP and POP3.

As its a weekend, I am unable to access the mail at work. The blog will be updated only on weekends.

Lazy Coder
Signing off for now....